- of all the things ive lost, i miss my mind
- there are two major products to come out
of berkley. LSD and UNIX. we dont believe this to be a
- everybody wants to see justice done, to
- whatever happens to you, it will have
previously happened to everyone you know, only more so.
- be different: conform.
- mistakes are often the stepping stones to
- diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice
doggy' until you can find a rock.
- acid: better living through chemistry.
- always borrow money from a pessimist, they
dont expect to be paid back.
- children are natural mimics who act like
their parents despite every effort to teach them good
- it may be that your whole purpose in life
is to serve as a warning to others.
- it was as small as the hope in a dead
- misfortune,n. the kind of fortune that
- today is the yesterday you worried about
- entropy isnt what it used to be
- if youre not part of the solution, then
youre part of the precipitate.
- the remaining work to finish in order to
reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
- the new england journal of medicine
reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10
doctors is an idiot.
- alive, occupying space, and exerting
- if you had everything, where would you
- the cost of living hasnt affected its
- i am returning this otherwise good typing
paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all
over it and put you name at the top.
- is the glass half full, half empty, or
twice as large as it needs to be.
- never hit a man with glasses. hit him with
a baseball bat.
- how can you tell when sour cream goes bad.
- eagles may soar, free and proud, but
weasels never get sucked into jet engines.
- conscious is when you are aware of
something, and conscience is when you wish you werent.
- it is better to remain silent and be
thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all
- ive had a perfectly wonderful evening. but
this wasnt it.
- if at first you dont succeed, destroy all
evidence that you tried.
- while money cant buy happiness, it
certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
- Q: what has two legs and bleeds A: half a
- if you love something, set it free. if it
comes back to you, its your forever. if it doesnt, hunt
it down and kill it.
- why yawning is contagious: you yawn to
equalize the pressure on your eardrums. this pressure
change outside your eardrums unbalances other peoples ear
pressures, so they must yawn to even it out and the cycle
- when i was a boy of fourteen, my father
was so ignorant i could hardly stand to have the old man
around. but when i got to be twenty-one, i was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- people dont go there anymore. its too
- poets have been mysteriously silent on the
subject of cheese
- america is a melting pot. the people at
the bottom get burned, and the scum floats to the top.
- women. they make the highs higher and lows
- marriage isnt a word, its a sentence.
- in marriage, the bride gets a shower, but
for the groom its curtains.
- theres a way of transferring funds that is
even faster than electronic banking- its called marriage.
- a man is incomplete till he is married;
then he is finished.
- bachelors know more about women than
married men. if they didnt, they would be married too.
- do married people live longer, or does it
just seem that way.
- marriage means commitment. of course, so
- courteous postal workers:
- always have stamps on hand
- are kind, courteous, and patient
- save the last bullet for
- half the people in the world are below
- never put off until tomorrow what you can
put off indefinitely.
- the sooner you fall behind, the more time
you have to catch up.
- never attribute to malice what can be
adequately explained by stupidity.
- a classic is something everybody wants to
have read and nobody wants to read.
- i have made this letter longer than usual
because i lack the time to make it shorter.
- i dont practice what i preach because im
not the kind of person that im preaching to.
- a closed mouth gathers no feet
- all that glitters has a high refractive
- anarchy is better than no government at
- computer hackers do it all night long.
- computer programmers know how to use there
- health is merely the slowest rate at which
one can die.
- history does not repeat itself, historians
- it is a miracle that curiosity survives
- when the going gets tough: everyone
- quoting one is plagiarism. quoting many is
- reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
- i would insult you, but youre not bright
enough to notice.
- things should be as simple as possible,
but not simpler.
- man will never be free until the last king
is strangled with the last priests guts
- to be is to be percieved.
- eternal vigilence is the price of liberty.
- sometimes the tree of freedom must be
watered with the blood of patriots.
- early to bed and early to rise make a man
healthy, wealthy, and wise.
- he that lieth down with dogs shall rise
- now that i have a sheep and a cow,
everybody bids me good morrow.
- diligence is the mother of good luck.
- when the well is dry , we know the worth
- if you would have a good servant that you
like, serve yourself.
- he was so learned that he could name a
horse in nine languages, so ignorant that he bought a cow
to ride on.
- curiosity is the gateway to knowledge.
- happiness makes up in height; what it
lacks in length.
- diamonds are forever; as is my love for
- the best time in my life is now and the
best part of my life is you.
- little do we know, when we think we know
- you never know when you are making a
- you dont have to suffer to be a poet.
adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
- a true friend is someone who is there for
you when he would rather be anywhere else.
- trust in God-believe in yourself.
- happiness is a conscious choice, not an
- money is a good servant but a bad master.
- the best way to pay for a lovely moment is
to enjoy it.
- at the touch of love, everyone becomes a
- the most important thing in communication
is to hear what isnt being said.
- everything starts as somebodys daydream.
- as long as there are memories, there is
never a death.
- with the sunrise comes a resurrection of
the spirits of all that is good.
- one should not be so quick to accept
reality, for reality may not accept you, and you will be
forced into a life that is unreal and a death that is
not, for without life there can be no death.
- you are only as dumb as you think you are.
- to be polite, should you shoot a mime with
- its not where you are at...its where you
- failure isnt failure if a lesson is
- dreams are the roots of reality.
- memories are the true measure of life.
make all you can.
- if gold rusts, what then will iron do?
- stone walls do not a prison make; nor iron
bars a cage.
- the paths of glory lead but to the grave.
- time heals what love can not.
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